I Just Have To Tell You...

What he says/what his penis means...


Men are like appliances - you need detailed instructions to help figure them out.

At the end of the first date, a man will generally use one of these three basic lines:

1. 'I'll call you.' You will never hear from him again.

2. 'I had a really nice time.' He'll call you next week if nothing more interesting is happening.

3. 'What are you doing tomorrow?' He wants you to know if he can stay over tonight.

'We're seeing each other.' Its down to you and the other woman.

He calls you 'girlfriend'. You've made him breakfast, he fixed your car and his friends are not allowed to come on to you.

'I only had a few beers.' I had more than one and less than 50.

'I really like you.' I think I'm falling in love but if I say that word there's no going back.

'I need some space.' I'm about this close to dumping but I haven't quite worked up the nerve to do it yet.

'I'd love to take you to paris' I really want. Have sex with you

'She's just a friend.' She is/was/hopefully one day soon will be my girlfriend.

'My ex won't stop calling me.' I'm not over my ex.

'It was a mutual thing' (talking about why his last relationship ended). She dumped his sorry ass!!!!!

'We haven't spoken in forever and I've been thinking about you.' I haven't had sex in almost three months (did someone say a 'booty call?')

'This is our third date isn't it?/Is it warm out or just me?/You think its true what they say about oysters?' I. W.A.N.T S.E.X

'You're incredible' (said straight after sex). Hint hint I want you to boast about how much better I was compared to your ex.

'You're incredible' (said any other time). You're incredible...

 Ok so you've followed the rules and he's done too many things off key...

How to make sure he knows you know so he WON'T call again...


1. Tell him about your ex, who left you for your best friend. But he's been trying to win you back ever since... (If he still sticking around) Then...

2. Go on about how much the break up messed you up, and that you even had to go through therapy to get to a 'forgiving place'. (He's still calling?)


3. Mention how your mum is desperate to see you married with children. (If he still aint left town)

4. Let drop how your ex had a restraining order put out on you for stalking (add a disclaimer here that you were just out shopping.) If he's still hanging around...

5. If he still seems interested, its time for drastic measures: tell him that you always follow your horoscopes advice, and that currently it says that you should s celibate for six months to clear out all the 'evil demons'


Guaranteed: he'll be calling the bill before you've finished you main course and ordered desert...

IF THIS STILL DONT WORK YOU NEED TO STAY WELL AWAY FROM THIS ONE! HE SPELLS D.A.N.G.E.R.O.U.S